


Redamancy

by Chellacat



Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), Thor (Movies)
Genre: Awesome Darcy Lewis, Cuddling & Snuggling, Developing Relationship, F/M, Falling In Love, Fluff and Angst, Huddling For Warmth, Hydra (Marvel), Love Confessions, Sharing a Bed, Spooning, WinterShock - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-16
Updated: 2019-05-16
Packaged: 2020-03-06 06:09:57
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 10,308
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18845221
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Chellacat/pseuds/Chellacat
Summary: REDAMANCY {English}(n.) an act of loving the one who loves you; a love returned in full





	Redamancy

**Author's Note:**

  * For [grimeysociety](https://archiveofourown.org/users/grimeysociety/gifts).



> For the purposes of this story, Asgard still exists. The snap still happened, but Tony didn't die and the hero's saved the day.

 

 

 

“If this gets any more Hitchcock, I’m going to lose it Barnes.”

Darcy dumped her bag on the small double bed and poked her toe at an odd-looking stain on the carpet.  The motel was falling short on every tick box she could fill in on trip advisor. Was that a blood stain?

“It was just a freak accident, Doll.  Don’t get you knickers in a twist.”

Bucky throws his backpack on the small dresser and considers propping the chair under the door handle for good measure but refrains.  The locks on the doors were flimsy at best, a chair wouldn’t buy anymore time if someone did come for them.

“We just got dive bombed by a murder of crows.”  She counters, plunking a feather from her hair.

“I’m pretty sure they were just pigeons Darce.”

Darcy huffs and tugs off her jacket, throwing it onto the chair.

“I know what a crow looks like Barnes, this is the Midwest, not Midtown.”

Bucky sighs and twitches the curtain a little so he can sweep his eyes over the deserted parking lot.

“We’re in the middle of nowhere, this isn’t even a dangerous assignment, we’re just picking something up, what could go wrong?”

Darcy feels a shiver rip down her spine at his words.  Is he doing this on purpose?  You never, ever, ask what could go wrong.  It was like, the first rule of any disaster or horror movie.  Making the declaration was asking for trouble.

“I should have told Agent iPod Thief to shove this assignment where the sun don’t shine.  Have you missed every cliched warning we’ve encountered so far?”

She fumes silently letting her imagination and memory run wild.  Had he not seen the tumble weed’s rolling across the highway? The creepy ass desk clerk who’d stared at her chest and made a crack about the noises they should ignore?  The fact that there was only one room when there was literally no one else in the whole place?  The current howling coming from outside? If this turned into a slasher movie, she was using him for a shield.

“Is this about the bed?”

Darcy just looks at him, head shaking.  What even was her life?  How had he survived this long without being able tell when he was in a parody of a horror film?  Wes Craven had a lot to answer for.

“No, this is not about the damn bed.  We’re both adults, I can share a bed.  It’s about the damn horror movie set we’ve walked onto.  I told you we should have stayed in the car, this place look like a serial killers wet dream.”

“This is the only place for miles and the tow truck won’t be out till morning.  These things happen, stop being so paranoid.”

“I am not-“  she cut off a scream echoed through the glass, eyes growing round.

Bucky frowned and went back to the window, peering into the encroaching darkness.

“Tell me that wasn’t someone screaming, go on.”

“It wasn’t someone screaming, it was an animal, some sort of fox probably.  Wasn’t a human scream, I would know, okay?”

He crosses the room and rubs his hands over the tops of her arms soothingly. 

Darcy wants to pull away from the touch, because it’s distracting to have his hands on her and she’s still feeling mad at him, but she stays, because honestly, the man hardly ever touches anyone and she’s just glad he feels strongly enough to want to reach out to help her.

“Look, if anything happens, I’ll protect you, okay? You’re safe with me, I’m the monster under the bed, remember?”

“You’re not a monster.  And you’ll be in the bed, not under it.”

“I’ll keep watch, let you sleep.”

“What?  No, you need to sleep too.”

“I can catch a few hours in the chair, I’m good Doll.  Why don’t you grab a shower?”

“Ugh, fine, but this conversation is not over.  You’ve been driving for the last 14 hours, you can’t sleep in the chair.”

“We can argue once your clean.” He relents with a smile.

Darcy shakes her head and plucks another black feather from her hair.

“I hate birds, creepy ass little dinosaurs with wings.”

Bucky pushes her toward the bathroom, and she goes reluctantly, still grumbling under her breath. 

 

* * *

 

 

He hears the shower start and sits, keeping one eye on the window and checking his phone for any updates from Steve.  He frowns when he can’t get a signal then shrugs, probably just a patchy area.  The place is unusually quiet and although Darcy is correct that something doesn’t feel right he doesn’t want to worry her by saying anything.  He can go longer than most people without sleep and he’s already decided he’ll stay awake to keep watch. 

There wasn’t much time to plan for this trip, just the phone call from Coulson about an 084 of Asgardian origin.  Darcy being the closest thing to an expert they had in that area right now, what with Thor and Jane off planet she’d been tapped for the trip. 

Coulson wanted it done quietly which meant no flashy jet, just a long road trip.  The 084 hadn’t turned out to be anything more interesting than some sort of Asgardian version of a communicator.  He had it in his back pack, sealed in a vibranium lined lock box.  He hadn’t spotted any tails today, there had been nothing suspicious at the pick up location but he just couldn’t shake the feeling of being watched.  Maybe he was the one getting paranoid. 

He heard the shower switch off and pushed the thought of Darcy naked and wet from his mind.  It was a fruitless task, it seemed it was all he could do lately, not to picture the dame without her clothes on.  She was a constant presence in his mind over the past months.  They had gotten to know each other well over the last year, living in a shared space like the Tower would do that.  She was always around, in the labs, the common areas, the kitchen.  Her smile a thousand watts every time she saw him, eyes soft and bright.  She drew him in like a moth to a flame. 

The last year in the Tower had started off strained and he’d kept his distance from everyone except Steve and Sam at first.  Stark had been oddly circumspect considering the history between them, keeping his own distance but helpful and understanding the longer they shared the same space.  Darcy…  Darcy had been a surprise.  He knew there were other residents in the tower, but the description of Thor’s girlfriend and her assistant had fallen short of the reality.  Jane was smart and stubborn and honestly a bit scatter-brained when it came to everyday life, but ultimately a fairly quiet person. Darcy was her support, the younger woman mothering her more than playing assistant on some days.  Darcy had been everything that Jane wasn’t.  Loud, outspoken and seemed to have a bead on everything that was going on on every level of the Tower.  From the janitors and security staff right up to the high-level scientists in the R&D department she knew all their names and often their life stories.  People seemed to just tell her things.  He’d found Natalia going to Darcy on more than one occasion for a quiet assessment and information on whatever employee she was looking into. 

The first time he’d met her she’d grinned and lit up the room with her smile, like a moron he’d stood riveted to the spot, almost missing the greeting she’d given him.  She’d been in a rush that day he remembered, bustling past him and Steve and touching his arm as she left before turning back at the door and telling him he had a nice ass.  She’d been gone before he’d picked his jaw off the floor.  Steve had chucked and explained who she was before telling him to relax, Darcy was harmless. 

Darcy Lewis, in Bucky opinion, was as far from harmless as a civilian could get.  She was always armed with a taser and he knew from how her clothes hung that she was keeping small throwing knives tucked into various articles of clothing. Not to mention the small caliber gun on an ankle holster.  When he’d questioned Natalia about it he’d been given a quick run down on the number of times the girl had been kidnapped, both alone and with Jane. 

It seemed building space bridges was the sort of thing that drew all the wrong attention.  Coulson and Clint had both insisted she get field agent training in order to be a back up body guard for Jane.  It didn’t surprise him in the least to learn it had been Natalia and Clint that had put her through the training.  Getting his hands on her file had been trickier but he had.  She was a good shot and her hand to hand was equal to a level six shield agent.  She could take care of herself for the most part and wouldn’t be a liability in a fight.  It’s the only reason he’d agreed to going with her on this mission.  He knew if they had to fight their way out of something, she’d not be a liability.  The last thing he wanted was to have her death on his hands. 

He flicked the phone again and sighed.  Still no signal.  The bathroom door opened, and she stepped out, dressed in sleep shorts and a tank top.  His eyes lingered on her skin, warm and flushed from the heat of the water, his fingers itched to feel her, to find out if she was a soft as she looked. 

When his eyes finally met hers, she raised one eyebrow at the blatant staring he’d done.  If he were a better man he’d have apologised, but he didn’t, and he let the moment hang before getting up to use the shower himself.  He could feel her eyes on him as he grabbed a change on clothes from the bag and headed to the door where she still stood.  She only moved a little to one side, he moved past her, his arm brushing hers as he sidled through.

No. Darcy Lewis was far from harmless.  They’d been locked in this game of almost for weeks.  Like she was daring him, tempting him to make a move.  He’s pretty sure it’s why Steve told Coulson to give him this assignment, the punk thought more time with her would get him to give in and act on the mutual attraction that nearly everyone in the Tower had been commenting on. 

He’d be lying if he said he wasn’t considering it.  The problem was he knew that this wasn’t going to be some casual flirtation.  It wasn’t going to be like the it was before with the women he’d walked out with in the past.  She wasn’t the kind of dame that a man would walk away from.  He felt like he was staring down the barrel of destiny some days, her coming closer and closer till there would be nowhere left for him to go.  Nowhere except _to_ her.  Sometimes her silence on the whole thing infuriated him.  She stepped into his life and just took up space he didn’t know he had left in him.  Filled places in his heart he thought had been cut out by Hydra long ago. 

But what did a future with her look like?  How long would she want to stay with him when she really understood everything that came with him?  The nightmares, the mood swings, his temper, the depression and ptsd. What woman in her right mind would want to take on all the baggage he came with?  It wasn’t something that was going to go away, he’d always live with it.  It wouldn’t be fair to put that on her.  To expect her to really understand what she was getting into.  And yet…  Bucky sighed, shaking away the thoughts of the impossible, no matter how tempting.  They were friends, and that was more than he could ever have expected. 

 

* * *

 

 

Darcy stretched, feeling the pull of her back, trying to work the kinks fourteen hours in the car had induced.  She was exhausted, completely drained.  Creepy motel not withstanding, there were a half a dozen other things on her mind that troubled her more right now.  Foremost, the naked super soldier in the shower.  She should have kept her distance, stayed in that nice friend zone and left it at that, unfortunately the more she got to know him, the more she came to understand him.  He was everything that made her heart race and her body hum.  She’d always been the type to flirt up a storm with anything that moved, it was her nature to tease and charm, she’d learned early to disarm with flirtation, to show interest but keep people at a distance, never letting them in.  But him, he was different.  She’d fallen into the trap easily, his eyes so sincere and open, unguarded when he looked at her like she might be an answer. 

She wanted that, so badly, to be the answer for him.  He made her want sleepy Saturday mornings and coffee shop dates and walks through falling snow.  The sort of sappy unreality she had scoffed at growing up.  A reality she could see having with him and it made her step forward, made her draw him out.  Friendly had progressed to late night conversations when neither of them could sleep, had progressed to her dong for him what she did for those she loved, making sure he had things he didn’t necessarily need, but things that would make him happy. 

She got to know him, the man who struggled to find his footing in his own life.  Give him a mission and yes, he was great.  Expect him to feel comfortable at a charity gala or even a hospital to visit sick kids and he froze.  She spotted his struggling and she stepped in, took his hand, metaphorically.  Did her best to sand off the rough edges all the interactions outside his comfort zone induced. 

Then he’d begun to look for her in those situations and she’d been there, at his side, ready to do anything to help the uncertainty or discomfort he felt.  She liked that he looked for her, that over time he’d begun to expect her to be there.  Smiles exchanged, reassurance and mutual understanding passing between them more and more as summer turned to autumn and her own feeling catapulted from friendly admiration to full out, I think I’m in love with him.  How could she not love a man like him though?  He had been through so much and he still kept going, kept striving to overcome the past, to not let the people who used him take the life he had left away from him. 

When she looked at him, she saw the kind of quiet and enduring strength, so few people possessed.  The kind that only made her want him more.  Now they were here, in that grey area where it could all change, become something more and he still held back.  She knew it wasn’t because he wasn’t interested, god damn it, the man couldn’t take his eyes off her most days, not that she was complaining, she did the same with him.  

Darcy would never claim to be the best judge, but she could feel it.  This thing between them, pushing at the edges of the boundaries he’d set, trying to become realty.  She heard the shower turn off and made quick work of finishing towel drying her hair, then slipped under the covers of the bed.  She felt sleep calling her almost from the moment her head hit the pillow.  Trying to stay awake seemed impossible.  The last thing she was aware of was the sound of bathroom door opening.

 

* * *

 

 

She woke screaming.  All the stress and creepiness of the last day must have gotten to her.  Bucky was holding her shoulders, talking to her.  It took a moment for her to process the words…

“Darcy, come on Doll, snap out of it.  It’s just a nightmare.  You’re safe.”

“Bucky?”

“I’m right here Doll.”  She gripped his arms, her nails digging into the flesh of his biceps as she tried to pull herself up.  He helped her up till she was sitting, letting go of her as she buried her face in her hands before sinking her fingers into her hair.

“Shit, sorry.  That was horrible.”

“What was it?”

“The dream?  I…  I’m not even sure I remember it properly.  It’s all fuzzy, just… darkness and cold and I think I was trapped somewhere.”  She trails off, the dream itself is indistinct but she knows the feeling that came with it. 

After the Snap, when she’d come back, she’d been in the same elevator she’d disappeared in.  She’d been trapped there for two days before someone found her and got her out.  It had been horrible, cold and dark and no one to hear her screams, not at first.  The building she had been in had been abandoned after half the population had disappeared. She’d been lucky anyone had heard her at all.    

She tried to breath, her hands shaking from the adrenalin.  The warm comfort his large hand on her shoulder had her leaning into it, holding onto the feeling like a lifeline.  The bed shifted under his weight and she curled into him as he pulled her against his chest.  Strong arms wrapped around her, holding her tightly.  The cold in her veins fled, the sound his heart in her ear a calming, grounding beat.  The tears came, as they always did after the dream.  She still couldn’t manage small spaces and slept with her bedroom door open and the bathroom light on, well, when she did sleep.  He was the only one apart from Jane who knew she still had nightmares, the only one who could help her feel calm enough to sleep again. 

“Go back to sleep Doll, I’ve got you, you’re safe.”

She nodded tiredly, exhaustion settling back into her bones as his warmth lulled her back to sleep.  This time she didn’t dream, the forgiving darkness welcoming her with open arms.

 

* * *

 

 

Bucky woke to a face full of hair.  His nose crinkled at the tickle and he moved his head back a little.  Sunlight streamed through the curtain and he realised he’d slept the rest of the night away.  At some point in the early hours he’d curled himself around her and held onto her like a stuffed toy.  Holding her in his arms only made it harder to keep what distance was left between them.  He closed his eyes shut and bit back a groan of frustration.  Holding Darcy was torture, her tiny body snuggled into the shelter of his, softness pressing into him and his dick half hard, nestled into the curve of her ass, felt closer to heaven than he liked.  The urge to press closer to her, to pull her tighter into his body was difficult to hold back from. 

 

Darcy comes awake suddenly.  He’s all round her, his chest at her back and their legs tangled, his arm tight at her waist.  It’s all she can do not to roll her hips back when she registers the growing hardness at her ass, the feeling sending a thrill of desire and want through her.  He’s awake, she can tell from way his body begins to tense.  Instead of pretending not to notice she scoots over, holding his arm in place as she turns. 

They look at each other, neither one breaking away from the intense gaze of the other. 

Darcy shifts, her hand gliding up his arm to rest on his shoulder. Bucky’s eyes darken and she feels the air between them charge as his eyes fall to rest on her lips.  Each breath comes faster, her heart taking off in her chest as his grip in her waist tightens, pulling her into him as his head dips to take her lips in a kiss.  The alarm on her phone lets out an almighty wail and he draws back at the last second, leaving the bed quickly and heading into the bathroom before she can even blink. 

Cursing under her breath she reaches for the phone on the bedside table and smashes with her thumb at the screen until the alarm shuts off.  Rolling onto her back she lets our a frustrated huff, pressing her legs together to try and ease the ache which had started to build.  Another minute and it wouldn’t have mattered if the damn thing had gone off she’d have had him between her legs and unable to think about anything other than fucking her into the damn mattress.

He storms back out of the bathroom a moment later, clothes changed and mumbles about going outside to call the tow company from the motel office.

Reality sets back in and she resigns herself to more dancing about for the foreseeable future. 

 

* * *

 

 

Half an hour later she’s ready for the day, their bags are packed and waiting by the door.  She wonders if he’s not just taken off, deciding to walk back to New York rather than stay in her presence.  When he comes back through the door she calms down.  He looks more relaxed than when he left.

“They took the car to a garage in the next town over.  Should have it repaired by this afternoon.  We should probably grab something to eat.”

Darcy keeps the irritated glare from her face and nods.  She doesn’t know how he can just switch off like that, as if their nearly kissing this morning hadn’t happened.

“Sure, is there a dinning hall in this god forsake rat hole?”

“No, but they told me there’s a diner in town.  Two miles down the road, not too far to walk.  You coming?  Or you want me to bring you something back?”

“I’ll come, I wouldn’t mind the walk.”  She gathers her purse and phone and joins him by the door.  Ever the gentleman he holds it open for her, grabbing his back pack before he follows her outside. 

 

The walk into town is mostly quiet.  The weather thankfully cool rather than cold and she manages to keep up with him as he walks beside her.

The Town seems almost too quiet when they reach the main street, but they find the diner easy enough and get a table with no fuss.  There’s only one old man, sitting at the counter, a half-finished plate of ham and eggs and cup of coffee in front on him.

Even distracted as he is by Darcy and almost kissing her this morning, something about the whole place feels off even as they give their order to the waitress that came by with her stained apron and off-white pad of note paper.

Bucky had that same feeling creeping up the back of his neck since they stepped onto the main street.

Darcy looks annoyed and slightly perturbed, he knows it’s because he ran from her earlier.  The walk around the building he took after calling the tow company had been something he needed, to decide out what to do next.  He figured if anything was going to happen between them, they had to talk about it first.

The bell above the door signaled a small influx of people to the diner and he scanned them briefly, his fingers tapping out a restless rhythm on the table.  Her hand reached out to cover his.

“Bucky?  You alright?  You’re doing the tapping thing again.”

He debates what to tell her before going with the truth.

“Something doesn’t feel right about this place.”

“I’ve been saying that since yesterday.”

“I know.  Just, be on your guard.  I have a bad feeling.”

Darcy doesn’t flinch when he turns his hand and takes hers in both of his, caressing the back with gentle strokes.  She looks at him searchingly, trying to figure out what he’s telling her.  Before she can open her mouth to ask the waitress brings the coffee and their breakfast.

They don’t talk as they eat, and Darcy pushes the coffee to one side even as Bucky starts on a second, it’s far too bitter for her tastes and she’s too tense to call the waitress for sugar. 

The first sign that something is wrong is the way Bucky’s eyes glaze a little and the way her own head feels heavy on her shoulders, she could sleep for a week and still feel tired.  She shakes off the slight daze and watches as he pours the last of the pot into his mug.  She’s not sure where the idea comes from, but it lodges itself in her head when he nearly misses the table putting the pot back down.  His own puzzled expression has dread growing in her stomach.  She plunges one finger into her own half empty cup and pulls it out, peering as the nail polish on her pinkie finger turns black.  They coffee was drugged.  Fuck, fuck, fuck.

She tries to keep herself composed as she looks around, now noting the way people are going through the motions of eating without actually eating.  She grabs two twenties from her purse and puts them on the table.  Bucky looks a few seconds away from taking a nap and seems to only cotton onto her silent need to leave for what it is when she wiggles her finger at him.  There is a flash of realisation as he stumbles to his feet, out of the booth and he brings an arm around her as they make for the door.

“Leaving so soon, you haven’t finished your meal Mr Barnes.”

The faint Russian accent has them both freeze in their tracks.

She doesn’t need any other confirmation, KGB, Department X, Hydra?  Whatever they were, they wanted him, and she had to get them out of here.

The fight breaks out quickly, Bucky swinging into action but just a bit slower than he usually would.  He’s still armed well enough, he’s got four guns and an armory worth of knives on him, he crowds her back behind him, trying to shield her from the agents now trying to take them down. 

Bucky’s brain, although sluggish, fires up quickly as he assesses the danger, guns magically appearing in his hands as he tries to protect Darcy. She’s behind him, aiming around him with her own gun and taking out at least four of their attackers, the first bullet that hits him catches his upper arm, the pain and fear surging through him spikes his adrenaline as the serum does its job of burning out the sedatives he’d been doped with. Darcy’s yelp of pain after tasering a man who came behind them has him moving quickly to take out the rest of their attackers, the diner is quiet again, a blood bath painted across the floor and walls.  He turns back to her and finds her bent over, clutching her middle, for a heart stopping moment he thinks she’s been shot then she pulls her hand away, a tranquilizer dart falling from her fingers as her legs give out.  He scoops her up and throws her over his shoulder as he spots a van pulling up out front, more of the agents pouring out of it. 

He does the only thing he can and makes his way to the back entrance, finding the kitchen staff all dead in the back on the way through.  He doesn’t have time to feel sorry for them, he has to get her out of here.  The town seems to be crawling with Hydra agents.   With no clear way out and no transport he eyes the treeline behind the building for only a second before moving at a jog into the trees.  It’s the only way out. 

 

He moves at speed, being careful of Darcy as he runs, all senses on alert, constantly scanning for danger.  After a half hour he doesn’t hear any signs of pursuit and he stops, putting Darcy down against a tree.  She’s breathing fine, her heart rate is a little slower than he’d like, but he doesn’t think she’s in immediate danger. He headed away from the next town, picking another direction entirely. If they found them then they knew where the car was.  Thankfully he still has his back pack with them, there’s water and some snacks and a few other accoutrements he keeps in his go bag.  He knows approximately where they are and from what he remembers of the maps he’d looked at the day before they were about thirty miles from a lake which had plenty of hunting cabins n the area.  It would be quiet, they could find an empty place, hopefully one with a phone or look for a rangers cabin.   There was nothing but wilderness for miles here. He rifles through Darcy’s purse for her phone and finds it.  There’s still no signal, but then, they were even further from town and civilization than before.  If Hydra had been blocking the cell signals that would explain why neither of them had been able to get a connection. 

This time when he picks her up he holds her close and starts walking, fast.  If he’s careful he can get them at least half way there before stopping to rest. 

 

* * *

 

 

Darcy comes too slowly, she can smell burning wood and wet earth.  The crackle of flames is a vague secondary consideration as she wakes.  The headache pounding in her brain makes her groan lowly in pain.  It feels like she’s been hit by a truck.

Warm hands stroke her face, brushing back her hair as she blinks her eyes open.  Bucky’s there, looking down at her, concern and relief mingling in his face.

“Hey Doll, you with me?”

“Bucky…  What happened?” 

“Ambush, you got knocked out with a tranquilizer.”

“That explains the army of drummers in my head.”

He hands her a water bottle insisting she drink as much as she can.

“Need to stay hydrated, try and flush your system.”

It’s pitch black apart from the fire light and she shivers as a brisk breeze weaves it’s way through the trees.  Darcy hates the outdoors.  She hated camping, she hated being cold.  She’s stuck with all three.

“Where are we and what’s the plan?”

Bucky scrubs a hand over his mouth and purses his lips. 

“We’re in the middle of the forest, about ten or fifteen miles from Lake Lyne. Plan is to head there, one of the private cabins or the ranger station there should have a satellite phone we can use.”

“Right, so, we’re walking?”

“Yeah, but we have to wait for daylight, don’t want to take the chance of picking the wrong direction to travel, it’s too over cast to use the stars.”

She shivers again and pulls her jacket tighter round her.  Bucky just sighs and scoops her up in his arms, settling her between his legs in front of the fire and cuddling her.

“You okay there big guy?”

“I’m fine.”

“You don’t seem fine.”

She waits for him to speak, tracing over his knuckles with her finger tips where they are holding her.

“Gave me a fright Doll, thought you’d been shot.”

“I’m here, I’m fine.”

“Don’t know what I’d do without you Darcy. I…”  He trailed off.

Darcy lent her head back against his shoulder.

“I need you too.”  Is all she says.  His body surrounds hers and she feels safe here in his arms, even if they are on the run from some arm of Hydra.

Bucky presses his lips into her hair and nuzzles in till he finds her neck, he places a soft kiss there and she shudders at the feel of it.  They sit in the quiet listening to the sounds of the trees and the occasional rustles as some small creature skirts the edges of the light of the fire.

“Are we going to talk about us?”

She broaches it first, because honestly, at this rate she’ll be dead before he does.  In response to her question he just curls tighter around her, chin resting on hr shoulder.

“There an us for us to talk about?”  His voice is hesitant, as if he thinks she’s changed her mind since the almost kissed this morning, as though he’s not wrapped around her so tightly, they might as well be one person. 

“Don’t be smart Barnes, you know there is, there has been for months.  You just wouldn’t do anything about it.  At least, not physically.  We’ve practically been dating since August.  We do everything together, spend all out free time in each other’s company…  Bucky…”

“I’m sorry.  I just don’t know if…”

“If what?”

“You really know what you’re getting into with me.  I don’t mess around Doll.  I’ll be honest. I want everything with you.  The truth is I’m scared you’ll walk when you realise how fucked up I still am.”

Her heart almost stopped when he sad it, that he wanted everything with her, but then all she could focus on was his own fear, that she would walk away.  She could never do that, it wasn’t who she was.  Her whole life it had been the other way around.  And yes okay, he had problems, things that would never go away, but it wasn’t a reason not to love him, and certainly not a reason to walk away.

“Bucky… baby, I know _you_.  I’ve been here, every time you had a nightmare, or when you freaked at the Gala.  I’ve seen what you do to take the edge off, how you push yourself.  I’m still here.  I know what being with you means, I’d have backed off months ago if I didn’t think I could be there for you.  If I thought I couldn’t do this _with_ you.  You have to know that.  I’m not going anywhere.”

He looked away from her staring into the fire, Darcy held tight to his arms, still holding her, keeping her warm.  She felt him shift and tightened her grip as he spoke again.

“When the honeymoon’s over reality will set in, you sure it’s worth it?”

She leaned back into his chest, stubbornly refusing to let him go.

“Nothing in life worth a damn comes free Bucky, nothing worth having comes without a fight.  This… Us… it’s worth it to me.  But you need to think it’s worth fighting for too, I can’t do it alone.”

She dares a look, tilting her head to the side, hoping he’ll see it in her eyes, that she was serious.

“You really mean it, don’t you?”

Blue eyes meet in firelight and she throws herself forward, hoping he’ll catch her.

“Every word.”

 

* * *

 

 

 

For the second time she wakes to the feel of his body spooned with hers, keeping her warm and safe.  It’s a good way to wake up she things sleepily, even if the accommodation could be better. 

She wiggled her butt back a little and giggled at the low moan he issued, then it was her that was whimpering as he gripped her hip and ground back into her, returning the favour.  She turned till she was laying on her back, looking up at him, his deep blue eyes  gazing into hers, sleepy but happy.  This time there was no alarm to stop him from kissing her and he did.  The first brush of his lips was soft, tentative.  Darcy brought her hand up, fingertips running along the stubble of his jaw, stroking softly then moving back till she could dig hr fingers into his hair. 

He kisses her slowly, each slow open mouthed kiss building until they were both breathing rapidly, dizzy from the intimacy and desire of it.  She doesn’t want it to end, feels the first gentle sweep of his tongue into her mouth and mewls like a kitten at the spike of desire shooting through her.  Fuck he knows how to kiss, how to make love with his mouth.  The weight of him against her and the way he coaxes her leg over his till she’s riding his thigh has her breathless and dizzy, his hand on her ass, squeezing and kneading has her gasping and arching, the friction through the layers nowhere near good enough.  She wants to feel him, his skin on hers, his mouth marking her all over.  Her tummy jumps when his hand slides along the waist of her jeans, tracing her skin, dipping down. He pulls back and looks at her in question. She doesn’t need to consider it, she’s a mess, she wants to feel him, even just his fingers on her.  Those clever fingers that can strip and reassemble a gun in near seconds.  He pops the button of her jeans, loosening them, long calloused fingers finding their way beneath her panties to stroke gently through her folds.

“Fuck Darce….   So fucking wet for me Doll.”

Her clit throbs as he circles it, he’s being careful, listening to the catch of her breath, to each whimper, learning what makes her gasp, what makes her moan.  He takes her apart quickly once he figures it out.  She cums hard, her shout of his name muffled by his lips as he fucks his tongue into her mouth in a filthy parody of what his fingers are doing.  His fingers buried deep inside her, stroking her walls as she comes down until they still.  She can feel him grinning into the soft kiss he gives her, knows he’s pleased with himself and she doesn’t have the energy to bother teasing him.  He draws his hand away from her and cleans his fingers, his eyes never leaving hers.  Fuck, it makes her even wetter if that’s  possible.  She pulls him into another kiss, wanting to taste herself on his tongue and it’s every bit as thrilling as she imagines.  When she reaches for his jeans intending to return the favour he grabs her wrist. 

“Not right now Doll.  Much as I’d like to, we have to get going.  Can’t stay here all day.  Besides…”  he  says, tucking her hair back and bringing his lips to her ear.  “The first time you make me come I want to be balls deep inside you, feel those soft silky walls clamping me like a vice when I do.”

She shudders at the words and wonders if it’s possible to die from the frustration of the image he plants in her mind.

“Damnit Bucky, you can’t say things like that when I can’t have my wicked way with you!”

The grin he gives her is pure smugness and mischief.  She basks in the knowledge that she put that look there, that this smile, is just for her.  It makes her happy all the way down to her toes.  He rarely looks this carefree and unburdened. 

They make quick work of breaking camp and covering their tracks.  Then it’s time to go.  She can’t walk as fast as him and she refuses to let him carry her as he did the day before, so the fifteen miles to the Lake are much longer than they could be.

They talk along the way about anything and everything, Bucky doing his best to keep her spirits up.  She’s still damn tired from the day before, but he’s beside her, an arm ready to keep her steady on the uneven ground.

The sun is beginning to go down when they reach the lake.  Luckily it doesn’t take long to find a cabin. 

 

* * *

 

 

The place is musty and cold, but dry. It’s obvious it’s only used in the summer months and it being March whoever owns it won’t be out to open the place up for another month at least.

Bucky secures the cabin, checks the generator and searches for a phone.  Darcy putters about, finds some cans in the cupboard and instant noodles and rice and some jar sauces.  Well, at least there’s food.  She can probably whip something up for them that won’t kill them. 

As she looks around, a wall covered in framed pictures catches her interest.  There must be nearly a hundred photographs hung up.  The smiling faces of a happy family stare back at her.  She finds the earliest picture, a man and his wife holding a small child.  The picture shouldn’t affect her as much as it does, but there’s something good and wholesome about it, something hopeful and bright.  The only person looking at the camera is the toddler on the woman’s hip.  She looks at the child, her eyes full of love, her husband gazes at her, his heart on display as he smiles at his wife as though she’s center of his world.  Everything in the picture shows the love these people have for each other.  The same thread is repeated, over and over again in all the other photographs.  The same couple, slowly getting older, one child turning into three, those same three children becoming adults and their families being photographed in front of the cabin.  Love, affection, lives shared.  It takes her breath, just a little.  It’s everything she never had.  Everything she swore she didn’t need.  But looking at those faces on the wall, all of them together, sharing their lives and hopes with each other…  it made her wish.  It made her want something she still wasn’t sure was possible.  She didn’t want to acknowledge that tiny flame of hopefull maybe, burning brighter in her mind since the night before.  The hopeful maybe, that if anyone in the world could find that life, that love with her, it was him. 

“You okay Doll?”

Darcy jumps a little, Bucky is like a cat, silent on his feet.

“I’m fine, just looking at all these photos.”

Bucky stands beside her, eyes scanning the scene before him. 

“They look happy.”  He says finally.

Darcy nods, staying silent on the subject.  She’s afraid if she starts talking, explains why she’s so captivated by a wall of old pictures, that she’ll empty everything out in the open for him to see.  She’s not sure she’s ready for that yet.  Bucky, being as perceptive as always seems to understand more than she says and he takes her hand in his, squeezing it softly.  Tears prick at her eyes but she stubbornly holds them back.  She turns to look at him and finds his eyes lingering on the same photo hers had.  When he looks back at her there’s an understanding in his eye’s she was not expecting.

“Did you find it?”

He frowns at her words, clearly expecting her to say something else, then nods.

“In the office in the back.  I sent a codded message.  Steve or Stark will know will probably be here in a few hours.”

She lets go of his hand and steps back, suddenly feeling vulnerable unexpectedly.  She’s been pushing for this for so long that now she might have it, it suddenly all feels too much, too real.  It’s like now she has him she’s not sure what to do with him.  Ugh, why is it now that she decides to get emotional.  Maybe because she’s just realised that as clearly as she sees him, he also sees her. 

She makes her way to the kitchen and busies herself making them something to eat.  Boiling a kettle for water and gathering the pasta and a jar of sauce.

“It’s not much, but at least we won’t starve.”  She comments as she rinses the pot, checking for no existent dust.  

“Darcy?”

She smiles unconvincingly.

“What?”

“Are you alright?”

“Why wouldn’t I be alright?  I’m fine, really.”

“Are we?”  she nods quickly, unable to speak and he sighs.  “It’s okay if you changed your mind Doll, I’d understand.”

“No!  That’s not what this is.  I’m just being silly…”

Bucky winds round the counter and reaches for her.  She really doesn’t mean to be like this, to be losing her mind over a few old pictures of people she doesn’t even know but the permeance and love and history staring at her judgingly from that wall and finding her wanting… she doesn’t even know how to explain it to him, when it makes less sense to her.

She steps into his arms willingly, burrowing into the warmth of his chest and wrapping her arms around his waist.  He holds her to him, close, his arms banded round her.  He smells of blood of sweat and gun powder, somehow she finds comfort in it.  He’s dangerous, deadly, but the safest place to be is where she is right now, in his arms, pressed into his broad chest.  The rise and fall as he breathes dispels the tension.  In every way that matters he makes her feel whole, she hopes she does the same for him.

“You want to tell me what this is all about?”

Bucky asks the question with his nose buried in her hair, breathing in her scent.

“No.”  she whispers out, voice small, sniffing a little.

“okay, but when you’re ready…”

“I’ll tell you.”  She finishes, wiping a stray tear on the edge of her sleeve.

She goes back to making them some dinner and he takes seat at the counter, watching her every move.  It’s not uncomfortable, she’s used to it, he hovers like this back at the Tower, watching her as she cooks.  This at least is familiar. She doesn’t want to go back into the hallway with the pictures and they curl up together on the wide couch.  She’s the little spoon again and she feels like it’s becoming a pattern.  One she wouldn’t mind keeping for a long time to come.

 

* * *

 

 

The rattle of the door wakes them both.  Bucky hadn’t moved all night, still wrapped round her, keeping her safe.  The tap tap tappity tap has him relaxing against her before he pushes up, going to the door and greeting Steve and Natasha.

It’s all very quick and then they’re on the jet on the way back to New York.

Maria Hill debriefs her and then she’s left, drifting along wondering what she’s meant to do.  Does she wait for him?  Get changed and go to his apartment?  She paces the corridor outside the briefing rooms for a half hour before Sam shows up, telling her that Bucky will be there a while. Reluctantly she heads back to her apartment.  Once she’s there and reality sets back in she wonders if he’ll still want this, them, or if he’ll run again when their lives aren’t in danger and she’s safely tucked away behind the massive wall of security that is Stark Tower.

 

* * *

 

 

She’s standing in the hot spray of the shower when she starts to cry, the stress and the fear and some deep hurt aching to break free all too much for her to handle at once.  That’s when she finally realises why she was freaking out back at the cabin.  Everyone in her life had left her. Her parents gave her up for adoption.  Her adoptive parents divorced and then died within a year of each other, she’d been shunted from foster home to foster home from the age of 12 to 18.  Then she’d met Jane and Eric and they’d both left her too.  Eric to go back to his country and Jane to peruse her research at some fancy lab where the other woman no longer needed an under-qualified assistant like Darcy.  Sure, they were back together now, but that was only due to circumstance, but Jane had left her once and was spending more and more time in Asgard. 

The thought of having him, of loving him and him leaving her, it terrified her.  It terrified her how much she wanted it, everything with him, a family, a future, photographs on a wall painting a picture of a life they had lived.  What scared her most, wasn’t losing him, it was that she was willing to risk it, just for the chance, even if it meant being hurt again.

What he’d said out in the woods, about wanting everything with her, the reality of it had only set in on seeing that wall of framed photos. That was what he wanted with her. 

The need to see him, to tell him, overcame most of her common sense.  She rushes out of her apartment, hair damp, bare foot and wearing a towel.

She rushes past Sam and Steve yelling at them to move as she springs into the elevator, jamming at the button for Bucky’s floor hard.

When she gets there, she’s still running on the revelation, hammering on his door and calling his name.

* * *

 

 

When he finally gets back to his apartment he’s exhausted, he just wants to shower and crawl into bed and sleep, preferable curled around his curvy brunette.  Since they left the cabin he’s had more time to think. The more he did, the more he convinced himself that her strange outburst was her realising that she couldn’t be with him.  He didn’t want her holding herself to a promise made when she was still half drugged and scared.  And she had bee scared, even if she hid it well. 

He changed into a pair of sweats after a quick shower and debated the idea of just going down to see her, just to check on her, but part of him was dreading the potential rejection he thought was coming.  It would be better to leave her alone, to give her space for a few days, let emotions settle down. 

He wished he knew what it was about those damn pictures that had spooked her.  Was it the idea of family?  Had looking at them made her realise that it isn’t what she wanted?  Or was it that she did want it, but couldn’t see that life with him? 

He dropped to the bed and ran tired fingers through his hair.  She said she’d fight for him, that she needed him to fight for her too.  Maybe he was jumping to conclusions.  She wasn’t the sort of dame to say something and not mean it.  Maybe what he really needed to do was exactly what she’d asked, fight for them. 

Darcy Lewis had taken him by surprise, swept into his life and made him remember what it was like to feel again, to want something for himself again.  To want a future again.  For so long he’d just let life move him on a current.  No fixed destination, just drifting from one crisis to the next, doing what he knew made Steve or the others happy.  But Darcy had been the first thing he has really wanted for himself.  They shared something meaningful.  Built over long hours spent in each other’s company, sharing thoughts and fears.  She made him feel safe, she never judged him for anything, even when he judged himself, she gave him a new angel to see from, the world through Darcy’s eyes looked beautiful again and full of possibility.  No, he wasn’t going to give up on that, he…  the sharp thump on his door, demanding he answer it, sounded with impatience.  Then he heard her voice.

 

* * *

 

 

The door swings open, two people on either side of some invisible line, neither of them sure who was going to speak first.  Darcy seems to make a decision and steps through the doorway, determination dogging her every step.  He shuts the door behind her, intent on saying out loud what he should have back in the forest, that he’d fight for them too.

Darcy can tell he had something to say to her, but she had promised him she’d tell him what was bothering her and she had to tell him before she chickened out.

“I want it too.”  She’s out of breath from running, the words come tumbling out and all she can do is curse herself as he looks so adorably confused.  “I want everything. With you, I want that too.  But I was scared.”

“I..  Doll, if you’re scared of me-“

“No! I’m not scared of you, you idiot.  I was scared of losing you, of you leaving me.” She finished with a whisper.

Bucky is incredulous, leave her?  Who the hell would ever walk away from her once they had her?

“Darcy, sweetheart, I would never leave you…”

“Even if you thought it was what’s best for me?”

The question stops him, because that does sound like him. 

“Darcy…”  her name sounded like an apology on his tongue.  She’d known, deep down what the answer would be, it’s the reason she’s here now and not back in her apartment with a bottle of wine, drowning her sorrows re watching the first three seasons of Grey’s Anatomy.

“It’s fine. I get it.  I don’t like it and it’s something that will always be in the back of my mind, but I don’t care.  That’s what I came to say.   I don’t care if losing you would hurt me, destroy me.  Having us?  Having _everything_ with you would be worth it.  Even if I lost it someday.”

She felt as though she just emptied her heart out and she shivers a little, worry lancing through her that she’s said it wrong, that-

But then takes her in his arms, one hand cradling her face gently, his eyes digging into her soul, searching for something before he draws her lips to his.  The kiss is both soft and intense all at once.  It’s nothing like the way he kissed her before.  This time it’s like he’s imparting some message, some truth into her very being.  She feels weak at the knees from him, drunk on the intimacy of him, but he has her, the warm metal of his arm holding her up against him as he turns her brain to mush.  She gasps as he breaks the kiss, both of them breathing hard, his forehead against hers.

“I’m not going to run, even if I think I should, even if I think you’d be safer without me.  I’m swear I’ll not walk away from you, Doll.  I promise, I’ll fight for us, every step, we’ll do it together.”

She feels lighter than air at his words, wants to crow from the rooftop that he’s hers. That she’s his.

“We’ll do it together.”  She breaths out, around her smile.  She’d giddy from this, from the sudden stretch of future she feels before her. 

This time it’s Darcy that pushes up on her toes to kiss him, fingers digging into his hair and tugging a little as his arms snake around her, drawing her into his body, pressing them flush against one another. She whimpers a little as his tongue sweeps the seam of her lips, begging for entrance, for more. 

“Take me to bed Bucky.” 

“We do this now Darce, it’s not for just one night, you gotta know that.  I love you Doll and I’m never gonna to stop.”

She kisses him again, the taste of the confession on his lips sweeter than any triumph she had ever known.

“Good, cause I’m not about to let you go after this, not when I’m so crazy in love with you.”

Speeches and pretty poetry fall by the wayside as he kisses her back.  He picks her up, still kissing her, as he takes her to the bed room.  She stops thinking, analysing anything, only concentrating on the feel of his hands on her, towel dropping away as he lowers her to the bed, his own pants discarded in their haste to feel each other.

He takes his time now, with her spread out before him, to admire her.  Takes in the pretty picture she makes, hair mussed, and lips swollen, plump and pink from his kisses.  His eyes rove over her every dip and curve and his mouth presses into her pulse point, before trailing down, sucking and nipping his mark onto her pale skin, nuzzles into her tits, marvelling at the feel of her.

“Christ, Doll you’re gorgeous.  So, fucking soft and sweet.”

Darcy can’t control the mewling whimpers he pulls from her mouth with his lips on her, fastening around one taut peak, laving it with his tongue and sucking and licking as she arches into him, demanding more, wetness pooling at the apex of her thighs, the ache building inside her begging to be sated, filled.

His fingers painting ecstasy upon her skin.  Each touch reverent and careful.  He’s an attentive lover, listening to each sound she makes.  He pulls her to the edge of the bed and drops to his knees between her legs, making love to her with his tongue, swirls and kitten licks and delving into her silken folds, curling into her wet heat, fucking her with his tongue till she cums with a wail, her face wet with tears at the overwhelming surge of emotion she feels for this man.

Darcy pushes him back on the bed and straddles him, her wetness covering his abdomen as she kisses him, her hands running over his chest, tracing the lines of his muscles. Kissing down his neck and shoulder.  He tries to stop her when she pulls back, sitting on his stomach, naked and reaching for the scars that twist around his shoulder.    She pleads with him.  He relents and she traces them with her fingertips, wetness gathering again in her eyes.

“Don’t cry for me baby doll, it was a long time ago.”

“They hurt you.”

“It was hurt when I fell.”

“They made it worse, they didn’t care enough to make it not hurt.”

She kisses his scars, tiny open-mouthed kisses that make him hiss and buck against her.  She wants to imagine she’s taking away some of that remembered pain, that like this she can make it better, at least a little.  She revels in the power she feels in that moment, his muscles tense under his skin, holding back from taking her even though she knows he wants to, he lets her have this control, this precious moment of trust.  She backs off, slips down his body kissing him slowly the way he did her.  Kisses the tiny mole under his belly button, before she finally takes him in her mouth. 

He nearly cums right away from the feel of her hot, wet, lips closing around him.  His hands grip the sheets tightly as he controls himself while she explores him with her mouth.  She licks and touches, sucking him deep, tiny hands, working round the base of his cock as she cups his balls, discovering what makes him beg and curse and chant her name.   He stops her before he cums.  Pulls her up and then rolls them over, pinning her under him. Kissing her again, long and hard, his thigh nudging her legs open, his leg sweeping hers apart as she brings her thighs to cradle him between her hips. 

He’s right there, poised at her entrance, whispering praise between their mingled breath and asks her if she’s sure.  Darcy sobs out her consent, hips lifting in invitation and then he enters her, his blunt tip into her sopping core, she feels like satin, her walls rippling around him as he slides into her, hands on her hips, pulling her into him.   He Presses her knee up, opening her wider till he bottoms out.  It’s like a damn breaks, words of love spilling between them, reassurance and promises and fuck it feels good, it feels right, both of them hardly believing it’s real, that it can feel like this, so perfect, so much more than just sex.  They move as one, in an instinctual rhythm, falling and coming back together, like two pieces of a puzzle, as though they were always meant be this for each other.  He shelters and protects, gives himself to her, she welcomes him in, comfort, safety, warmth, love.  Bucky feels like he’s finally home, he finds peace in her embrace, acceptance, he feels forgiven.  They come together in tangle of limbs, each cleaving to the other, as the pleasure washes through them, skin flushed and so deeply connected Bucky thinks he feels it in his soul. 

After, Bucky pulls her close to his chest, his nose buried in her hair, kisses pressing to her brow.  Their hands tangle together, and he kisses her finger tips one by one, telling her no one has touched him so gently before, so carefully and without fear. 

Darcy tells him he makes her feel as though he see all of her, inside and out. 

He tells her he’d fell for her because of what’s inside, but that he’d haveta be blind not to see her beauty.  She’s everything he’s always dreamed of. 

She tells him she didn’t think it was possible to feel this way about someone. 

They kiss again and he tells her to sleep when she yawns tiredly.  She protests sleepily, not wanting to miss a moment of this, but he insists.  She tuns in his arms and he spoons her from behind, his body enveloping hers, arms secured around her, her head pillowed on his arm.  This is how she wants to fall asleep every night she thinks dreamly as he kisses her shoulder, his hand trailing pretty patterns into her back.  She must have spoke aloud because he tells her they will, every night for as long as she’ll have him.  She whispers into the darkness that surrounds them and tells him it’s forever.  He believes her.

 

 


End file.
